Searching for signs of life...

the trouble with..., originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

So... it's like that, eh?

I got a brand new camera. Yep, I finally did it. I'm so excited! And to reward me, today was the worst weather of the entire year. It was gloomy and dark, and rained buckets today. I got soaked just taking the mutts out to do their business. Ha!

I had some idea of doing some natural light tea stills, but it was so dark! Check it:



That is with extra light shining directly on it. The image is actually brighter than the room ambient light PLUS the lamp at 1pm. For pete's sake.

Meh. I have toys. I'll get to play with them eventually. :)

Aaaanyways, I got the new Canon 7D. I love, love, LOVE it! zomg! Sadly, my Lightroom is not up to speed on the new RAW format, so the image quality output is not using the full potential of this camera. Hopefully, they'll get on that and release an update soon. SOON, ADOBE, DO YOU HEAR ME??!!!

Okay, so I'm leaving for Seattle in 3 more days, Tuesday at the buttcrack of dawn. Since I haven't done laundry in about 3 weeks, and I've "recycled" my favorite jeans until they could stand up by themselves, I'm wading through the mountain of laundry that represents my life at the moment. I'm also trying to pare down the clutter piles that have accumulated everywhere.

Books, as usual, are the biggest problem , as in I have too many, and they are in stacks on the floor. I seem to be quite incapable of paring down my book collection. I need another monster bookcase, but have nowhere to put it unless I appropriate a wall in my hubby's den. Oh yeah, he'll LOVE that.

But hey! New camera!

Apples are the best treat ever

We're having fun around here with apples. Sunny and Murphy go crazy for apples.

In other news, there's another blog, in case you're interested in my Gluten-Free stuff. I really don't want to post that stuff here, since I don't know where it will lead me - recipes or links or just ranting. If you want to read it, there's a link feed in the sidebar. Be warned that the first post is LONG, mainly because it's the set-up of the whole health saga of the last two years.

Over the past few years, several bloggers I follow have made dietary changes, including going gluten-free. I have to confess that I mostly just skipped over all of those posts whenever they would appear. Now, I kind of wish they had a dedicated blog or archive where I could find all of that stuff... That being said, I'm totally aware that most people aren't that interested in the individual dietary restrictions of the average person.

Besides, I don't know how long my interest in writing about GF will last, so I'd rather it have its very own home.

Also in the sidebar, is a feed for a new photoblog I started. Some will be a reposting of images I've shown here, but mostly it's a place where I can post what I consider my prettiest, favorite-est, fancypants pictures. I might even include a little commentary. The best part is I'm sticking a toe into the waters of making some of my stuff available as prints or cards. I'm trying out Fotomoto, and am hoping the quality is good. I've ordered test prints for myself to check the caliber of their prints for myself. We'll see.

While I still don't think my stuff is good enough yet to be more than just nice snaps, I'm willing to take the risk - especially when it's essentially no-risk like this is.

By the way, don't you love the still image Flickr chose for the video? It's cracking me up!

GO OUTSIDE little hermit!

Sam is oh so casual, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

Yes, yes, it's probably the last sunny day of the entire year and I'm sitting at my computer. Lunacy acknowledged. But how funny is this? I ran up to the zoo for a look at Samudra. He is getting so big!!! He was having a snack so I really only got a good look at his butt, but look at how he's standing! Ha!

Photography enthusiasm meter is climbing. The comments to my last post were so appreciated, and a boost that I really needed. On Wednesday afternoon (when I hit the zoo,) I also took a little side trip to the Washington Park Rose Garden. I intended to go to the Japanese Garden, but it was closed already. Who knew?

It was nice to get out and walk around, even if I huff and puff like a dilapidated steam engine.

Speaking of, I was tested for Celiac's Disease this week. The N.D. thinks there's a high probability that is my underlying disorder, why I'm so easily fatigued and out of breath, the anemia, a possible stressor that caused me to develop Hashimoto's, the tummyaches... We shall see.

I was inclined to just go gluten-free as soon as it was suggested, but I really wanted to get the tTG and IgA tests first, so held out - I kept eating gluten. It turns out that it was probably a good lead-up to gluten-free, because for that last weeks it was very clear that there's a strong food component in how poorly I've been feeling. Let me tell you, there's nothing so convincing as drinking a beer or eating a bowl of pasta, then being nauseated shortly afterward, add gluten, repeat - for a whole week!

Anyways, this is now day 5 of trying this. (Still no test results.) I haven't had a stomach ache since Monday (last day of gluten,) and some other, erm... "unpleasant" symptoms have nearly gone away.

My biggest hope is that I'll regain my energy, endurance and those nice little oxygen-carrying RBCs, so I can go on a hike and not feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest at the slightest exertion. Nevermind running for the bus, I want to ride my bicycle!

Live for just a moment in my head

I've read different bloggers say that when all your posts become an apology for blogging so infrequently, it's time to hang it up. I've never understood that though, (either the apology, or the assumption that there must be frequent posting,) because isn't this an exercise we do for ourselves? Yeah sure, acknowledgement is a nice side benefit.

Anyways.



I'm not going to make excuses for being missing. I'm not really, I'm just not HERE very often. I also haven't been doing much photography. I kind of got knocked on my ass by some unkind remarks, by someone I don't even care about, in circumstances where the shit-talker doesn't even know that I'm aware of what was said.

It was a lot of crap about my photography being boring, and derivative, and all exactly the same, seen one seen em all, blah blah blah. And while there is the logical part of me that says he is just jealous (I've seen his photos, they are not "all that," even with better gear,) another part of me has hurt little feelers that haven't yet recovered.



As such, I've been doubting my vision, questioning every shot I take - "is this the same as something else? should I be using different lighting? different processing? have I exhausted the subject?..." With all of the self-doubt, it has become easier just to set down the camera.



People don't realize how fragile creativity can be, especially for someone like me, who has had that aspect of personality stomped out of them for most of their life due to cult-mentality.

I think I'm getting over the wounded ego though, I've been more interested in shooting.



I picked this off Neil Gaiman's journal a few days ago, and it really resonated, in view of the fact that I let this "bad review" affect me so greatly:

"My advice to you would be to do with creepy emails what Kingsley Amis used to say he did with bad reviews: he let them spoil his breakfast, but didn't let them spoil his lunch. Let the effects of the creepy people be fleeting too. And keep writing, and keep doing well, because it really seems to irritate them."



Perhaps my continuing to shoot will irritate the jerk who said those things. And hey, I can look at  it this way - perhaps the criticism, deserved or not, will push me to improve more.

getaway

the curl is the most beautiful part, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

We stole away to the beach on Monday. Jon took the day off, and we left town and took the mutts with us. I can't believe the whole summer has gone by, with no beach time. What is WRONG with us?

The weather was unbelievable, high 80s, breezy, clear skies. It was like every childhood memory of the beach all rolled into one everlasting summer. Gorgeous.

We went down to Pacific City, probably our favorite place along the north Oregon coast. Plus, Pelican Pub for the win. YUM. The only bad part is we can't have the doggies on the patio, so we can't actually go to the pub until we can nab one of only 4 shady parking spots in the late afternoon. It was worth the wait.

My dogs crack me up. Their life-approach seems to mirror ours. Sunny jumps out and makes a beeline for the surf, splashes around a bit, then lays down in the wet sand and stretches...

Murphy, noting that water is still wet, prefers to stay on the dry sand, although he'll walk on the damp sand as long as there's no actual water involved. When he sees that water coming, he RUNS away.

Jon walked with Murphy on the dry sand and was happy. I splashed with Sunny in the surf and was happy.

It was a good day.

Myths in love

RIP IV book 2, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

For RIP IV, my second book, I read Christopher Golden's The Ferryman. Let's get the "how was it" out of the way immediately: Meh.

I wanted to like this book, stories where mythology crosses into the mundane are some of my favorite flights of fantasy. But this book started out with some glaring idiocies. (Spoilers ahead.)

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The basic plotline is that the main character has died, but while between worlds, has cheated the Ferryman out of his fare by reviving, due to sheer force of her will. She does so in such a way that makes him very interested in her, so he comes to the mundane world to find her. Before he does this, however, he takes her baby.

This part of the story is what made this book a "don't recommend" for me. The main character loses her baby at term, yet within just a few days she is observing that she can go hours without thinking of him. WHAT??!!! Okay, I know enough people who have lost children to know this is patently ridiculous. Rather than making me sympathetic to the character, it makes me want to say "oh yeah, right." Rather more jarring than the supernatural aspects.

To continue on in that vein, she rekindles a romance with her previous flame, and within less than 2 weeks after the child is lost, she is having torrid sex of all kinds with her resumed lover. Okay, that's nice and all, but !!! um, Mr. Golden, did you never hear of postpartum lochia? I mean, really, the average guy is not going to want to put his mouth down there 10 days after you give birth. Blech. Not to mention SHE JUST LOST A CHILD!!! is on medication and is not sleeping due to constant nightmares! "oh yeah, right."

Add to that, (given that the whole book takes place within the time span of just a few weeks,) the main character is just too quick to be happy and well-adjusted, in love, and putting her "grief" in the background, within just a few weeks. I just don't buy it, and whatever else the story had to recommend it, this aspect just kept rising up to prevent me from suspending disbelief and just enjoying the idea of the Ferryman becoming obsessed with a denied passenger.

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So I'm calling book 2 of the challenge a big ol' "No."

Being Sunday, and a stay at home day, I decided to wash the bad taste away with a short story or two. Electric Velocipede is my go-to short story collection, and I just happen to have double issue 17/18 that I've been saving.



The first story was a fairy tale called Sun's East, Moon's West by Merrie Haskell. It's about a young female "dragon slayer" and her Bear-God. Well worth reading, and I won't spoil any of it.

Happy reading!

P.S. to Carl V.: I just received the most delightful package in the mail, containing two spooky books (one autographed by the author!) and a creepy Gorey lunchbox. I haven't had a lunchbox in 25 years at least, and I love it! Thanks so much!

lazy saturday morning

lazy saturday morning, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

I had every intention of continuing my cleaning/organizing project I started on Thursday. (Note the tiny robot, and broken porcelain moose on the tea table.)
First though, I had to have some tea.
Then, because I was having tea, I decided I wanted some breakfast.
After I got the breakfast prepared, it seemed like a good idea to take a picture.
Taking the picture reminded me that I am behind on my RIP IV reading challenge, so I went to get my book.
When I found the book, I also discovered 2 CDs I bought at the 2nd hand shop that weren't on my computer.
So I went to the computer, which is next to the tea shelves I'm organizing, so I sat down to dust some teaware.
Which made me think I might need to have some tea...

I know that toy you're holding is for me, right?

I know that toy you're holding is for me, right?, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

The List, the Infamous List

So here it is: The List. At the moment, I have well over 100 books in my to-be-read pile, (not counting the 7 I ordered from Powells and Amazon this morning *facepalm*) and picking a pool of 8 for the RIP IV Challenge was more difficult than I anticipated.

I've already read one book for the challenge: Christopher Moore's Bloodsucking Fiends, which was appropriate in it's irreverent nod to the vampire genre. I laughed often, (two words: Turkey Bowling,) which is exactly why I love Moore, and anyways, I think laughter is perfectly appropriate to the season; that's why I dress my dogs in costumes for the Trick or Treaters.

Not pictured is Alan Bradley's, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie. It is making its way here from Amazon at the moment, thanks to a review by Carl V.

In photo order, bottom to top:

3. P.N. Elrod's, The Vampire Files, which is actually the first 3 books in her series, but I'm calling it one. That way I can have personal permission to move on to the next book in the list after I finish Bloodlist.

4. Electric Velocipede, Vol 17/18. Short stories. I highly recommend this collection, there are always spooky stories, sci-fi and fantasy. Maybe I'll savor this one for the short story weekends.

5. China Mieville, King Rat. I picked this because I've never read Mieville, (how do you say that anyways?) wanted to read The City and The City, but it is still only in Hardcover, so this looked good.

6. China Mieville, Un Lun Dun. While I was looking over the Mieville selections, I found this markdown. I think it's a children's selection, but it looked riveting, so I added it at the last minute. For $4.95, who could resist?

7. Sarah Waters, Fingersmith. Another author first for me. This book has been on my to-read list for a very long time. When I first added it to the list, my thought was that I hadn't read any good gothic mysteries in a very long time. Thanks to Amazon I got a HUGE spoiler, (bah!) but that has never really put me off a good read, so I'm hoping for some entertainment.

8. Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor. This is the season for new authors. My reading has been kind of stagnant lately, with reading sequels, professional tomes and research papers. A friend of mine is a HUGE fan of Mr. P., so I figured it was about time I took a look. It seemed fitting that I start with his book about a cult.

9. Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes. Hey, it's Bradbury, what else needs to be said?

10. Christopher Golden, The Ferryman. Yes, that ferryman. This novel was a cut from last year's list, so here it is with an official position.

Looking back over last year's list, I read all but one of the books in my pool. Score! a couple of the RIP III books were re-reads, and I also ended up reading Dracula, and Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. (They, along with Frankenstein, make up my personal "Holy Trinity" of Halloween reading.)

This year, every book on my list is new to me, but you might notice that all of the books are a touch "loved." Have I mentioned that Powells Books is across the street from my office? (My budget just whimpered.) This is the reason I have such a ridiculous number of still-to-be-read books. I mean, can YOU resist picking up a treasure when they mark it down to $5.95? I am incapable, that's my defense. It's like walking by Saint Cupcake and not drooling a little. Okay, Chuck was more, but it's about a freakin' cult, people!

Happy reading!

We would like an answer please...

We would like an answer please..., originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

Well, it's that time of year again, time for the RIP Challenge, RIP IV. Time creeps on, doesn't it? And though the challenge has been issued, and I've accepted Peril the First (read 4 books of any "scary" subgenre,) I have yet to post my reading pool.

The poppets are getting restless. They tell me the games should begin. I've tried to convince them that, since I've completed my first book, I'm really showing the spirit of participation, even if I lack follow-through. I get the impression from their expressions that they believe my reasoning is flawed.

So, I will be back very soon with a RIP IV pool.

badass

One of my projects over the last few weeks was to dig up and transplant (or give away) a bunch of shrubs and perennials, so I could change the shape of my front lawn. Our front lawn is tiny, but the yard is pretty big, and hubby wants to balance that out a little.



So I'm feeling pretty satisfied with myself, plants dug up, ground tilled, topsoil spread, seed ready... until I look up and see this little fiend headed for my fluffy dirt with a walnut in his mouth.

badass, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

Now keep in mind that every year, I have to dig up 10-15 walnut trees from various locations in our yard, usually flowerbeds or up against the foundation of the house. Also, we have no walnut trees in our yard. Little boogers carry them in.

I see this diabolical little rodent heading for my new lawn, and I jump up and start yelling "oh no you don't! I see you! Don't even think about it! No, no no NO!" like a crazy woman.

Squirrel stops, and runs up this tree so he can look at me through the window. Then he jumps down and saunters over to the grown lawn, jams in down in the grass, then runs and grabs a leaf and smashes that down on top of the walnut. Mission accomplished, bitch.

I ran out there with my camera, and spotted my neighbor's "hunter" cat, watching the whole thing, doing nothing. What good is an outdoor cat if he can't even run the squirrels off?

Cellphones, yeah!

Quick catch up of the last month:

Heatwave

Crowbar out giant deck
Digging up shrubs
Housepainting
Digging up plants
Sanding trim
Digging up front yard
Primering
Rototilling
Massages
Raking
Raking
Raking

BUY NEW CELLPHONES! Yeah! I'm such a sucker for new technology.

I'm sitting down here at the office waiting for the UPS guys like a little bitch. He has my phones. We are all getting new phones. Me, hubby, and the in-laws. They have no cell phones, and F-I-L has cataracts and is a terrible scary driver (at least to me, although that's not the best indicator of non-scary driving, because there's only one person I've ridden with in two years that didn't scare the crap out of me - my friend K's husband,) and M-I-L is still a nanny and drives kids all over the place. They need phones.

The Daughters have been after them to get cellphones for years, and they DO. NOT. WANT. So I called them up and told them that they had to get cellphones, and it would cost them $20/month + tax. They said okay. So I was strutting around like a Thanksgiving Turkey right before it met its violent end in Sarah Palin's neck wringer.

Then I found out that the morning Clark Howard show was about how seniors need to take responsibility and carry cellphones if they want to protect their independence.

So it's all Clark Howard, nothing but net. I think for them, the "do what I tell you" hierarchy goes: Watchtower, Clark Howard, Bible, Oregonian, Daughter-in-law, Son, Son-in Law #3, Random person on Street, Kermit and Cookie Monster, Random Strangers on the Internet, The Daughters.

Ooooh, my hubby is going to be so pissed if he ever reads this, because he'll think I'm making fun of his parents again. I'm not. really. okay, well, sort of.

Damn you Clark Howard.

Class of '89

Class of '89 Picnic, originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

I just know all y'all who read the last post are waiting with 'bated breath for the report on my class reunion. Well, here it is, I went. I had a good time. The end.

Not really. :)

Okay, first things first: I took my camera gear, thinking I'd be more comfortable with a camera in my hands. But when it came right down to it I chickened out. SERIOUSLY! I CHICKENED OUT! bawk bawk bawk. Okay, I had the camera out for the little picnic, but for the casual night and the main event, yeah. Friday night I never even took it out from my bag, and for the main event, I shot like 5 shots.

I was very uncomfortable, felt very inadequate. (I'm sure I'm not the only one, nor the first one to feel nervous and deficient at a reunion. I realize that experience is hardly unique. Heh.) My classmates... it was true what everyone said, that by the 20th people have mellowed, but it was still the same groups I remember in H.S., except that they were friendly and pleasant to everyone, which was great. But many of these people have had long lasting friendships, I felt like an interloper. Not only that, but many of my classmates are teachers, lawyers, researchers... it really smacked me in the teeth with the fact that I was denied an education.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, and I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but mixed feelings in abundance.

Last, I was embarrassed by my lack of fitness. It didn't help that I know now that my health is partially responsible, I felt self-conscious. That more than anything, kept my camera in the bag. I felt like if I shot like I wanted, people that I used to know would be watching me and saying "who is this fat chick that we don't remember shoving cameras in our faces?"

So... even though I'm glad I went, even though I made some connections with old friends, even though I had classmates who remembered and spoke to me and were happy that I attended, I've been drifting through this week feeling vaguely depressed.

The bright spot was the picnic. There were only a few of us there, and we all played. The little girl in the sprinklers was the delightful daughter of a classmate. (Yes, the adult is me. Obviously someone else took this photo.) I had such fun. It was a fantastic time. If the whole event had been like that afternoon, it would have been the best time I'd had in years.

Sigh. I'm glad I went. Most of what I'm feeling, I guess, is loss. I could have been friends with these people. I could have been one of the group. Instead, I spent my entire childhood, being fearful of associating with (what I had been trained were) the "corrupt worldly people," avoiding all social contact with anyone who wasn't a Jehovah's Witness, not being allowed to attend any school or community events, no matter how innocuous...

Yeah, I got away, but that damn religion is going to follow me for the rest of my life. Most of the time it's just vague background noise, but sometimes something like this occurs that reminds me of just how much living was stolen from my childhood.

Damn it.

And I should have taken more photos.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after., originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

I decided to go to my reunion.

There are only two or three people I went to school with that I've seen in the 20 years since graduation, despite still living in the same general area. From time to time I've heard of classmates and their accomplishments. Some of this makes me a little bit jealous for all the wasted opportunity in my life. I feel the loss of not being allowed to attend college most acutely when I think about old classmates.

There's a part of me that says "you fool, why didn't you just go then?" but the honest part of me says that, at that time in my life, under heavy indoctrination, I had no choice.

I'm cycling quickly between emotions. I'm fearful that nobody will remember me, or worse, that they will all remember me and shun me. I realize that I'm projecting my experience with exiting the JWs - since to everybody I knew as a child I am a pariah, an apostate, one of the condemned. I'm fearful I'll get there and sit in a chair and not speak with anyone because I'm inconsequential.

I'm hopeful that we all have grown up and discarded childhood whims and prejudices. I'm wishful that people will remember me with some nostalgic fondness, but to be truthful I'd be thrilled with simple curiosity.

I'm arrogant. Look how well I've done! I've dragged myself out of a cult that was the defining feature of my life. I own a home, I own a successful business, I'm comfortably well-off, people respect me. I'm realistic - (just like me,) other people are generally more interested in their own accomplisments, discomfort, hopes and fears, than they are in mine.

I'm excited. This is finally a chance to be the "real Stacey" with people I knew for my entire childhood - a second opportunity for acquaintance and friendship with people I wanted to know then, but couldn't.

I'm angry at the lost chance to have had relationships with people from my childhood for all of these many years.

Wish me luck, I'm going to my reunion.

What I've been doing with my "free time"

What I've been doing with my "free time", originally uploaded by geekgirlunveiled.

Yes, that's demolition, not new build. This deck spans the back 2/3s of our house, and you can see how close to the back fence line it is in this spot. That's the narrowest part of our yard, and the deck practically cuts the entire yard in half. There's a large side yard on the other end of the deck and house. The perspective is a little off, there's probably 12' from the deck to the fence at the narrowest spot. The deck itself is 16' wide.

Anyways, we are (finally) having our house painted, having completed roof, gutters windows. Front landscape is a work in progress, but it looks tidy right now so I'm happy. Our deck was peeling, so we knew we'd have to paint that also (or have the contractor do it,) but the price for the deck was very high, plus both bids told us upfront that it wouldn't last, and it would be really slick when it rained. Three huge downsides, especially when we never really liked the giant deck anyways. Plus, you can see we also have a concrete patio. I was BBQ'ing last night, thus the funky lighting from the floodlights.

Anyways, we kind of dithered back and forth on removal, because the deck wasn't that old, and it was in pretty good shape, but ultimately decided that we didn't want to put any more money into it, when we really wanted it gone.

It has been quite an adventure. We are unscrewing most of the decking, about 75% of the screws still lift, and the remaining I get with my trusty crowbar.

I love my crowbar.

We have until the end of the month to complete this project. I think we'll make it, as long as we don't have a heatwave. Oh wait. July. Heatwaves.

On another note, I found a yellowjacket nest in my backyard, behind and to the left of where I was standing for this photo. We had the bug guys come out this morning and kill it. Except there are still bees flying around in a major freakout. Apparently this is what they do. Somehow, when the nest gets hit, they know to come back, so they all start arriving and freaking out, then they get curious and fly in, then BAM! dead. I do not like yellowjackets in my yard.